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How to Talk to Your Husband About the Williams Sonoma Egg
"Darling, it beckons."
If you’re reading this, you’re likely considering procuring the Williams Sonoma Famille Rose Egg. Congratulations!
An object of great gravitas, this roast beef-sized Egg becomes the omphalos of any household it’s adopted into. The Egg separates into 3 parts: bowl, terrarium, and yarmulke. It emanates contemporary wealthy womanhood and promises enrichment neverending—with a touch of whimsy!
But Egg procurement is a big decision, and one you shouldn’t make lightly or on your own. Read on for a step-by-step guide to broaching this topic with your husband who’s back late from his advertising firm again.
Step 1: Examine your situation
They say heeding the call of the Williams Sonoma Egg changes everything—it’s a cliché, but it’s true! As an Eggwife, your first priority is the care and keeping of Egg. You’ll be expected to clean, hold council with, and encourage it for the duration of your life. For optimal results, you’ll also need to ensure your clothing does not present any tactile or vibrational threats to the Egg’s constitution.
To prepare for your discussion, ensure you understand these expectations and more. Reach out to others in your area who keep the Egg. What aspects have they struggled with? What modifications to their home, family, or self were necessary?
Look inward as well. Which parts of your personality might lend themselves well to Egg-based living? Maybe you have a propensity for assembling pleasant Tableaus throughout the home. Maybe friends have pointed out your talent for redirecting unsavory frequencies away from high-value items. Knowing your strengths can help win over even the most skeptical lovers on your journey to Eggwifedom.
Step 2: Choose a time
Please, not when he first gets home. Consider bringing up Egg matters during the fourth course of a more casual weekend meal or over some surprise Hump Day black forest gateau.
Step 3: Rip the band-aid off
Out with it!
Example 1: Dear, have you given thought to the importance of roundness in the home? I’ve been considering subscribing to Egg.
Example 2: Darling, are you familiar with the Williams Sonoma Famille Rose Egg? I think it would be a lovely addition to our household point of view and spiritual portfolio.
Example 3: It’s started again, love—the whispers. I can transcribe them if you’d like. I think we should listen this time.
Step 4: Discuss the benefits
Of course, the main benefit to maintaining an Egg-anchored home is acceptance into an elite community and protection against negativity, malcontents, imps, ghouls, etc.
But as an Eggwife, you and your family will also enjoy such benefits as:
Access to Egg Con—Meet each year with other hands of the Egg at an annual wealth and wellness-focused conference.
A decoration for all seasons—Put a hat on it, drape it with garland, or even add some lights! All of these and more are approved ways to get festive year-round with your Egg.
Twice-yearly catalog of accessories to match your Egg—Fun! (Merchandise from previous catalogs pictured above.)
An emergency bowl, terrarium, and yarmulke—You really shouldn’t. But if you must.
Step 5: Hear his concerns
Here’s a list of common pushback (“Egg guff”) and some effective responses.
It looks too girly.—Understandable. Many families have had success juxtaposing their Egg with some taxidermy, a basketball, or the Beretta.
This all seems a bit much.—That’s what people always say about prophets, isn’t it?
Why are you speaking with a Mid-Atlantic accent?—Sometimes, our voice must alter if we’re to answer the Egg.
Step 6: Give him time
Don’t bring it up again for about 8 months. It’s rude to pry.
If all goes well, he’ll warm up to the idea of an Egg on the hearth, credenza, or tuffet, and you can stride confidently together on your path to becoming an Eggwife.