Delectable zine alert
My Riverdale name is Cheeks Putnam. IF YOU CARE
Got this baby in the mail today. NOTHING HERE IS CORRECT AND IT IS DELICIOUS is a CW-themed zine (yes, CW the TV channel) from Ginger Bug Press. You should buy it if you love, hate, or feel neutrally about The CW.
I just now learned that the C in “CW” stands for(?) CBS, and the W stands for Warner Bros. I love a letter of an acronym standing for an entire other acronym. These are the thematic layers we tune in for. And then they just added a “the” at the front for good measure. Slick.
When Ginger Bug announced this zine, I knew I had to submit, both to prove my reluctant dedication to the lifestyle and to cement my reputation as a literary iPad baby. I got 2 cursed little poems accepted: “A CHEER FOR THE CHEWED UP AND SPIT OUT” and “Ode to the Riverdale Writers.”
The zine includes 13 other wonderful pieces across a bunch of different genres. The only throughline among these is a relationship to a CW show or the network itself. We’ve got art in response to:
Gossip Girl
Supernatural
The Vampire Diaries
One Tree Hill
The Flash
Some good critical thinkin’ about the racism and misogyny baked into CW universes
And of course, Riverdale (the most heavily represented show in this zine)
Riverdale, my heart. There have been very few shows in the past decade with both dialogue and plotlines as fucking bonkers as she. As Summer Farah aptly notes in the letter from the editor, Riverdale is perhaps the CW-est show to ever air on The CW. If The CW is a frothing void for all your suspended disbelief, Riverdale is the whipped cream on top.
Also, the title of this zine comes from one of my poems in it! I feel honored and famous.
Some absolute bangers of lines from Riverdale
Because I miss it already:
“I’m the ultimate wild card. I am the daughter of the Black Hood. The nightmare from next door. I’m training with the FBI, and I’m coming for you, you psycho bitch.”
-Betty Cooper
“Jughead, when you didn’t show up to my wedding, I knew you’d be doing something stupid like trying to separate the two universes.”
-Archie Andrews [this quote is also in one of my poems in the zine]
“I have a rapturous girlfriend, total independence, a 4.0, and amazing hair. Are we done here?”
-Cheryl Blossom
"I'm getting heavier, denser. Also, invulnerable."
-Also Cheryl Blossom (in the everyone-gets-superpowers season)
“It’s not queerbaiting, it’s saving the world.”
-Veronica Lodge
“The most adorable baby jeans from Old Navy you’ve ever seen!”
-Toni Topaz after Veronica asks what is in her crisp Old Navy bag
Help me get this zine in front of any CW actor
Are you impressive? Have you connections? Does your uncle work for CBS or one of its affiliates? Do you have the direct address of one Madelaine Petsch?
If so, feel free to flex that privilege now to deliver this love letter. (With the heavy caveat that this is fan art and definitely not grounds for legal action.)
Regardless, buy a copy today for the person in your life with the most screentime <3